Best find.

I found this in one of Claira's journals a few weeks ago.  Translation:  I want Grandma Linda to be alive.  You better believe that this one broke my heart, but also made my heart sing because it means that my kids are still thinking about my mom and remembering her.  I have been missing my mom a lot lately.  Even bringing me to tears a few times and I'm not sure why.  It was her birthday on April 1st.  She would have been 64.  I can just hear her singing the beatles song to herself for her birthday….When I get older, losing my hair….many years from now.  Will you still be sending me a valentine?   Birthday greeting?  Bottle of wine. If I'd been out til quarter to three….would you lock the door?  Will you still need me…will you still feed me…when I'm sixty-four.  You'll be older too!  And if you say the word…I will stay with you.
Anyway…..maybe that's why i've been so sentimental.  And the girls have started softball again and that just gets me going.  I've been texting with Terina more and that brings me back to many memories of mom.  It's was Easter this weekend and so my mind turns to the resurrection and the knowledge that I will get to see my mom again someday and that though the power of Jesus Christ, death is not the end.  I believe that and I know I will see her again and that she can see us living life right now.  I just wish she were here.  I miss having a mom and a home to go home to.  I want her to come up to watch my kids sports and their plays and to know them.  I want emily's kids to know her and I just miss her.
But it just makes my heart so happy to know that Claira thought of her enough to write down this precious sentence.  Her mind is usually full of fairy houses and candy but my mom is in there too. And she's in my mind daily.  I love you mom.  You are so so so missed.  I always wish that I'll have a dream where you are in it and you can give me advice, but I hardly ever dream of you.  And a few times I have dreamed about you, the second you start talking I wake up.  Erin got to hug you in a dream a few weeks ago.  Lucky.  Maybe one of these days you'll stick around long enough for us to have a conversation.  Until then…my kids are really amazing.  Gentry would drive you absolutely batty, but in the best way.  I think Claira would remind you of me because she can be such a baby about things.  Camry has my drive.  Maren is just fun and Pacen still has a big, soft heart.  Than takes care of me and we are very, very happy.  Erin, Emily and I are still very close.  Erin is even taking Pacen and Camry on a trip with just them this summer!  They can't wait!  She's the best aunt but I still with she'd b ea mom.  And Oh man!  Roman and Livia are the best!  Roman is the smartest kid ever and Livie is a little mini-em.  You'd love them.  Everything is good except that hole in my heart that misses you.  Love you mom!