Cooking with mom.

The other day I had to make a bunch of Christmas sugar cookies for Pacen's class. I was debating about which recipe I should use but since it was Christmas I felt like I couldn't go with any other cookie than mom's favorite that she used every time we made sugar cookies.

I don't use her cookbook very often because the spine is breaking and it's not easy to turn the pages and I don't want to break it, but I love it every time I bring it out. And every time I'm close to tears because she LOVED this cookbook. She used it for everything and in fact, this isn't her original one. The first one was so 'loved' that it was a falling apart disaster and so Loren searched high and low for one to replace and luckily found it even though it was out of print.

So here is the recipe. It's a classic.

But what is even better is that she saved the original page from her first cookbook and has it stashed in the page of the new one. I just think it's funny because I want to say, "You don't need two copies of the recipe! You have the new book, remember!"

But she really did use it so often that it's in pieces and now both of the pieces are snuggly fitted into the pages of that book. And believe me, when I was done I put them right back where they belong. :) It just makes that recipe so special to me. Food is love in my book.

And this is the cookbook where she found her beloved manicotti recipe. It's funny because it's one of my most very favorite things to eat and yet I hardly ever make it. It's like its sacred or something. It's so delicious and I'm making it a point to make it a couple of times a year for special occasions so we can keep it special.

It's all about the homemade noodles people.

And this is why I love my mom....she never made us casseroles. Like typical mormon casseroles. So when I had funeral potatoes for the first time I was like, what is this magnificent food?!?! And when my mom had them, it was like a brand new amazing thing and I found this recipe written out in a very detailed form like it was some delicacy. So I love my mom not because she never made us casseroles, I love my mom for having this new food introduced to her in her 50's and having her think it was the latest and greatest invention.

And that lady Bev is a mormon. :)

So, I still miss my mom during the holidays. The fall time is just hard because now it's her death anniversary, then it's Claira's, Gentry's, mine, Than's and Emily's and now Roman's birthdays, then it's Thanksgiving and then Christmas and it just still breaks my heart that she's not here. I was talking with emily today about when it will ever not be sad that she's not here. When we are the grandma's will we not be sad because that is when she would have supposed to have been gone? I tell you what, it's not by the third Christmas because I'm still sad. I can hardly sing or listen to Christmas carols without bursting into tears. I really can just barely get through the songs in church. Her last Christmas, she came with Than and I to church in Julian and as we were singing a Christmas hymn, I can still picture in my mind how she looked with tears rolling down her cheeks as she was singing and now I think, did she know it was going to be her last Christmas? I was reading the dang Polar Express to my kids and I had to stop because I could barely talk I was getting so choked up. So many things make me think of her still. I've been extra emotional this past week and I know that at the root of it all is that I just miss her. I miss what it used to be like when she was alive and I think, holy cow, how is this already the third christmas without her? So I was happy to have a little cooking time with mom. It's funny how a cookbook can make you feel that much closer to someone. I can picture her standing next to me with her glasses on so she can read the measurements, dishtowel over her shoulder and probably a glass of wine sitting on the counter even though it was only 2 in the afternoon. :) Love you mom.